A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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