So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just high enough for therapy.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
