You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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