Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
