Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
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If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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