Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
