Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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