I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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