Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
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His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize