I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it glows. i had to have it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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