There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
