He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just threw up on my dentist
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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