Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize