you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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