My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
