I could have mohawked her pubes.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
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I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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