just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
