Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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