Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
