Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm like, not good at living.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
