I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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