Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
two words: eviction party
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
