I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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