Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
