Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
