I heard we made out
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
