OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
