hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
