I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
