yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
