guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
