I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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