He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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