come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize