He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
