i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.