I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.