I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dating After Heartbreak
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.