Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.