His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
