Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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