yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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