Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize