Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
