Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
