im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
