just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
