i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
