You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
