this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
