I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
