i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think my nap took me to another dimension
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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