Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
