maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
