OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
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You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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