I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
