idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
