Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
