Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Randomize
