I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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