Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
