I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
