the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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