I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you inspire me to be a worse person
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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