take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
