I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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