Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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