He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
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Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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